For the Faucet…

February 15th, 2008
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Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife, Mary, to Home Depot.
At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Walt was finished, Mary asked “How much for that faucet?’”
Walt replied, “That’s pewter and it costs $300.’”
“My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!” Mary exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Walt yelled, “Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?’”
Mary replied, “No, but I will for the faucet.’”
This is why you can’t send a woman to Home Depot .

wyldrob R Jokes

Come on, Train

February 14th, 2008
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Jimmy was sitting on the fence very near a railroad track. His mother saw him and yelled, “Jimmy! Get down from there right now! A train could come along and suck you off!”
Jimmy started to whisper softly, “Come on, train. Come on, train!”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Job Interview

February 8th, 2008
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Mujibar was trying to get a job in India
The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.”
Mujibar said, “I am ready”
The manager said, ‘Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.’
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, ‘Mister manager, I am ready’”
The manager said, “Go ahead.”
Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, “Yellow, this is Mujibar.”
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems
No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.

wyldrob PG Jokes

What’s New?

February 8th, 2008
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. : : Currently listening to: White Zombie – More Human Than Human : : .

Well, I had a post I started writing just after Christmas, but never finished it. I think I will just start over with this new post. What’s new in the land of wyldrob?
There are a few things. I am no longer working on second shift. Now I am on first. It has taken some getting used to this. As many of you know I was in the habit of staying up really late most of the time. Ever since this move to first shift, I no longer do that. I couldn’t tell you the last time I was up past Midnight. Certain people who shall remain nameless have even poked fun at me for being in bed at 9 PM. Well, I know my limits. I cannot function on little sleep, so there.
I recently acquired a new server as well. It’s a pretty peppy machine. So far I like it, but it did take me a little while to get some bugs worked out of it. But it’s up & running now. Now, I just need a server rack to put all this stuff in.
I am contemplating moving my web server into VMware. I am not sure how difficult it would be, nor do I know if it would slow things down or speed them up. I would hope that it would speed them up. I do know that no more traffic than I have, I shouldn’t have problems with it. I just have to consider the options. I am also fairly certain there are tools that will migrate my current server into VMware. I have no experience with these utilities, but that doesn’t mean I cannot learn.
How many people have ever used GIMP? I downloaded it today and have been toying with it. It’s a pretty powerful program. I am still learning what all it can do. I have created a handful of new images with it already. I am going to make some more for this site. Several of the ones on here have been here for close to ten years. Ten years, damn that is a long time! It’s hard to believe that this site is over 10 years old.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I started my first website back in 1997. It has come a long way since then. A few of you might even remember where it all started, Geocities. From there it went to Tripod, and now it’s on my own server with my own domain name. Of course most of the content has changed several times. Most recently, last quarter I did a site redesign. I’ve heard lots of positive comments about it as well. I think everything is settled and working correctly. If you notice something, just drop me a line.

wyldrob personal

Estate Planning

February 8th, 2008
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A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I’ve some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.”
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. “Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. Let’s head to the club and have a martini.”
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. “I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS. ”
The woman said, “I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone .”
That’s “Putting Your Affairs In Order”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Living Will

February 2nd, 2008
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Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She’s such a bitch!

wyldrob PG Jokes

Rush

February 2nd, 2008
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A train hits a bus filled with Catholic schoolgirls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, “Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.”
St. Peter says, “Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.” St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,”Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?”
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well, once I fondled and stroked one.” St. Peter says, “Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, “Reeva, What seems to be the rush?”
The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

First Time

February 2nd, 2008
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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!” The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”
The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

wyldrob R Jokes

Christmas Golf

December 20th, 2007
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Four oldtimers were playing their weekly game of golf and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a huge diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds !
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game ! I woke up, slapped my wife on the ass and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning for either sex or golf!”
Helen said, “Take a sweater ! ”

wyldrob R Jokes

Skippy!

December 20th, 2007
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A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for Christmas dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the “poof”.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman’s chair, and said in a rather stern voice, “Skippy!”.
The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrrriiiipppp.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “Dammit Skippy!”
Once again the woman smiled and thought “Yes!”
A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes