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Archive for May, 2006

May 25th, 2006
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Armando asked his neighbor, “Carlos, do you like women with big stomachs?” “No,” said Carlos. Armando asked, “Do you like women with breasts that sag to their waist?” “No,” said Carlos. “Well, Carlos, do you like women with wide hips?” “Ay, caramba, amigo! NO!” “Then tell me, Carlos, why are you screwing my wife!?”

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May 25th, 2006
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Mr. and Mrs. Ficucci come before the judge for their divorce hearing. The judge asks, “What are the grounds?”
Mrs. Ficucci says, “Cruel and inhuman punishment. He tied me to the bed and then forced me to sing ‘Jingle Bells’ while he pissed all over me.”
The judge says, “My God, that’s horrible.”
She replied, “Yes your honor! He knows how much I hate that song.”

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May 24th, 2006
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Two kids playing in a lane found a donkey who had died with a hard on. Being the mischievous kind of boys, they cut off the donkey’s appendage and began brandishing it in the air.
Just then a police officer on his bicycle came up the lane, and the boys not wanting to be caught with it tossed it over the wall of the convent.
Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon stroll found the dick in the bushes. “Oh sweet Jesus,” says Sister Agnes.
“What’s wrong?” asks Sister Mary. “You’ve gone as white as a sheet.”
“It’s those dirty protestant bastards,” Sister Agnes replies. “They have murdered Father O’Toole!”

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It Only Took 17 Years To Find Out…

May 17th, 2006

LONDON – A heiress who was married to her husband for 17 years has discovered after all this time that her man is actually a woman. Her transsexual spouse, referred to in court as Mr. J, concealed his true gender from her for 17 years, using a home-made part of the anatomy for sex. The marriage was nullified when the wife, Mrs. C, found out his true identity, and the Court of Appeal ruled that Mr. J is not legally a parent of her 14-year-old daughter born from donor sperm. At a hearing in 1996, Lord Justice Ward thought many people would find it surprising that in 17 years of marriage Mrs. C did not realize she was living with a woman.

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