Archive

Archive for April, 2006

Train Company To Collect DNA

April 26th, 2006

A train company is arming its staff with DNA testing kits to clamp down on passengers who spit at them.
British Central Trains conductors will carry equipment enabling them to take samples of phlegm which can be used to prosecute offenders.
Conductors who are spat at by irate passengers will have their DNA sent to BCT as evidence for a possible criminal prosecution. .
A train company spokesperson said, “Spitting is a very degrading. We want to stamp it out. We want to make sure that everyone is aware that we are going to do something about it and there is now a risk that anyone who is spitting will have their DNA tested and we can track them down.

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Impatience At Drive-Thru

April 24th, 2006

Lawrence, IN – Eugene Dixon and Jeffrey Wilks were getting impatient in the drive thru lane at McDonalds. After honking the horn and shouting at the driver in front of them, one of our bozos stuck a gun out the window and fired a shot in the air. That did speed things up, as the car in front of them sped away. It also prompted someone inside to dial 911. They were at the pick up window, waiting on their food, when the cops arrived.

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Thief Bribes Homeowner – With Counterfeit Money

April 24th, 2006

A suspected burglar caught breaking into a house in Iowa tried to use a fake $100 bill to bribe the owner to let him go.
Charles Lawson had caught Porky Castilian as he tried to burgle Lawson’s mother’s home. Castilian offered Lawson the $100 bill which carried a picture of President Bush.
Lawson said, “The guy was trying to bribe me with fake money.”
Des Moines police charged Castilian with burglary.

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Free Breast Exam

April 24th, 2006

Florida Sheriff’s Office deputies arrested a 76-year-old man Thursday who they say was going door-to-door in a Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood offering free breast exams.
Two women accepted the exams officials said.
At about 9 a.m. investigators say, Phil Wihkoff drove to an apartment complex. Carrying a black ”doctor’s” bag, he walked up to the building and told a 36-year-old woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams.
The woman let Wihkoff into her apartment and the phony doctor began the exam. The woman told police that after Wihkoff touched her breasts, he moved his hand to her genitals. Realizing he was not a doctor, she called police but Wihkoff had already left her apartment and found an- other victim; a 33-year-old woman in the same complex.
Deputies eventually found Wihkoff in the apartment parking lot.

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Maybe He Should Have Made Hundreds Instead

April 24th, 2006

Los Angeles, CA – Tekle Zoller was arrested and charged with counterfeiting. And it wasn’t that his bills were poor quality, in fact, they were actually quite good. It was his choice of bill to counterfeit that attracted attention. He printed up 250 billion dollar bills. Yep, that’s billion with a “B”.

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“Just Kidding”

April 24th, 2006

Williston, ND – Ryan Wilson walked into a bank wearing a ski mask and demanded money. Then, for some reason, he changed his mind and pulled off the mask, telling the frightened teller, “Just kidding.” He then withdrew some money from his checking account and left. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. He’s been charged with attempted robbery and faces five years in prison if convicted.

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Man Robs Bank next to Police Precinct

April 24th, 2006

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami Beach, Florida. Our bozo’s first mistake was in trying to rob a bank right next door to the local precinct. Things started out OK, though. He walked up to the teller and demanded money. Frightened, she ran away, allowing the bozo to reach in and grab a handful of money. Then things started going downhill. Bank staffers had alerted police of the robbery so when the bozo ran out of the bank, there were officers coming out of the station house across the street in hot pursuit. The bozo frantically tried to hail a cab, but the cabbie kept on going after seeing bystanders waving him on. The bozo then took off down the street, chased by a parade of cops, including one who was having a snack at a nearby outdoor cafe and decided to join in the fun. The small army of cops soon caught up with our hapless bozo.

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Psychic Judge is Removed From Bench

April 24th, 2006

A judge in the Philippines has been relieved of his duties thanks to his insistence that he possesses psychic powers and can see the future. Okay, that doesn’t sound so bad, but Judge Florentino Floro, who presides over a suburban court in Manila, also begins each session with a reading from the Bible?s Book of Revelation and claims to have made a covenant with “dwarf friends” who help him reach his decisions. “His mental problems for now appear to render him unfit with the delicate task of dispensing justice,”understated the Supreme Court ruling.

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Scarecrow Mistaken for Corpse

April 21st, 2006

German teenagers called the police after mistaking a scarecrow for a dead body. Hermann Alditz and Johann Schneider spotted the scarecrow dressed in men’s clothes with a plastic bag over its head while peering through a window into a neighbour’s cellar. Too scared to approach the owner of the house, they called police and reported finding a corpse. Local officers arrived on the scene immediately, but quickly discovered the corpse was actually made of straw.

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Laundry Thief Leaves Wallet Behind

April 21st, 2006

Mira Mesa, CA – Hector Ruiz attempted to rob a laundry but fell through the roof vent and came crashing down to the floor. Our bozo quickly scrambled to his feet and fled, losing his wallet in the process. Investigating officers found the wallet and were interviewing witnesses when who should pass by but our bozo, apparently coming back for his wallet. Bad idea. The officer stopped him and asked for his ID. When he couldn’t produce one, he was placed under arrest.

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