Archive for January, 2006

I’m Drunk Bitch!

January 31st, 2006
: : : Currently listening to: Everclear – Father of Mine : : :

So who knows where that line comes from? It seems like it is in a movie or something, but I know I’ve heard it on some damn commercial on 95 Rock. It pretty much sums up my condition right now. It’s been a long time since I sat here and got wasted, so I figured it was about time.
I just watched Flightplan with Jodie Foster. Pretty damn good movie. I will give it in the neighborhood of 6 or 7 stars (out of ten). Regina said she wanted to see it, but you know what? I think she’s gonna have to pay to see it! I think I am going to send this one back to Netflix before she gets a chance. Aren’t I so damn mean? Yeah, I get off on being mean! You might want to remember that! I also have Mr & Mrs. Smith and Herbie:Fully Loaded. I will try to watch them sometime this week, so I can send them back and get something else.
It’s my turn to work this coming weekend. Last weekend was a split, I worked on Saturday and was off on Sunday. I took the day Sunday and visited Mom and set up some stuff on her PC. I really need to get down there and see her more often. I don’t get to spend enough time with her. I wish she lived closer. If she did, a day trip wouldn’t be near as bad.
I am looking for takers on going to the Nickelback, Trapt and Chevelle concert in Columbia with me. The show is on 22 March. Of course, I don’t have tickets yet. That is because I have no one who said (s)he will go with me. Tickets might be gone by now for all I know. Dana really wants to go, but that heifer of a mother she has won’t let her go. Now tell me, what is more important, a school softball game or a concert? Won’t the game be there next week? The concert sure as fuck won’t be! Everyone needs to send that heifer hate mail! Tell her that she is being unfair. And if she reads this – which I doubt she will – kiss my ass! At this point, I don’t give a fuck!
Well that’s enough rambling for now. Thought you’d like to hear from me, faithful reader.

wyldrob personal

A married couple is driving

January 25th, 2006
Comments Off

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he’s a better lover than you.” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, “I want the house.”
Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he’s up to 80 mph. She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too.”
The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”
The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.”
She asks, “What’s that?”
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

An escaped convict, imprisoned for

January 25th, 2006
Comments Off

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent years of his life sentence in prison. While
on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied
the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the
woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck.
Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to
his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing you on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don’t fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you.”
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: “Dear, I’m so relieved you feel that way. You’re right, he hasn’t seen a woman in years, but he wasn’t kissing my neck… He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you’re really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

This exchange was overheard between

January 20th, 2006
Comments Off

This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: “I got 12 inches over here you would love to have.”
The female response was: “Well, spit it out. It isn’t yours.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

What does a Rubix cube

January 18th, 2006
Comments Off

What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

wyldrob Adult Jokes

A couple had only been

January 18th, 2006
Comments Off

A couple had only been married for two weeks the husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.”
Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife. “I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.”
The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the Refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 Different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of Saying was, “Yes, Lollipop… but at the bar… You know… they have frozen Glasses… ”
He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
“But my sweet honey… at the bar…. you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”
and, they lived happily ever after. Isn’t that a sweet story?

wyldrob R Jokes

I had a rose named

January 18th, 2006
Comments Off

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt

wyldrob PG Jokes

Farmer walks into his bedroom

January 18th, 2006
Comments Off

Farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: “Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.”
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: “I think you’ll find that’s a sheep, you idiot.”
The man says: ” I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking to you.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Susie Lee done fell in

January 13th, 2006
Comments Off

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother”
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, “There’s trouble still…
You can’t marry Will, my gal.,
And please don’t tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo’
I know is yo’ half brother”
But Mama knew and said, “My child,
Just do what makes yo’ happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain’t no kin to Pappy.

wyldrob PG Jokes

Man Enters Wrong House, Comes Out Dead

January 13th, 2006

RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA – A man who drank too much was shot to death last week when he confused a neighbor’s unit for his own and broke in when his key wouldn’t work. Hector Soto, 21, had just moved to the apartment complex and had been out celebrating his graduation from trade school when he returned home “fairly well intoxicated.” San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Sgt. Tom Bradford said all the buildings in the complex look the same. Soto entered the wrong apartment through an open window and was heading to the bathroom when he encountered the resident, a 65-year-old state prison counselor. The resident, thinking Soto was an intruder, shot him once. “It’s tragic. A real mess,” Bradford said. “I don’t believe Soto intended to hurt anybody.”

wyldrob Weird News