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Archive for November, 2005

Things To Do In An Elevator

November 30th, 2005
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1) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
4) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
5) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
6) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
7) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 8) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
9) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again!”
10) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”
11) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”
12) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
14) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
15) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, “This is MY personal space!”

wyldrob G Jokes

A man was sitting on

November 30th, 2005
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A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said, “Have you ever had a hug?”
The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”
The man said “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said “Have you ever been fucked?”
The fellow’s heart started beating faster as he replied, “NO.”
She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.”

wyldrob R Jokes

One year at Thanksgiving my

November 30th, 2005
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One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!”
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that
turkeys lay eggs!

wyldrob R Jokes

A Top 10

November 30th, 2005
: : : Currently listening to: Sheryl Crow – All I Wanna Do : : :

I ran across this.. thought it was fairly interesting….
From: Bill Eagle http://www.sthelensupdate.com/top10/

The Top 10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong.

Sent to Bill by Lee Coleman

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society: we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all: Women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

wyldrob personal

Amanpreet himself unable to satisfy

November 29th, 2005
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Amanpreet himself unable to satisfy his blonde wife. He tried hundreds of methods but just wasn’t able to do the job. He finally went to his best friend and asked for advice. His friend told him not to worry because he knew a method that was 100% successful.
He says, “Hire a big strong guy to stand near your bed and waving a huge towel over both of you while you are having sex. This way your wife will be stimulated and have an orgasm.”
The guy hired the strong man, but all efforts were in vain. He went back to his friend and told him what happened. So his friend suggested that they switch places.
“Why don’t you wave the towel while the strong man does the job in bed,” says the friend. Poor Amanpreet agreed, and said that he would do anything to satisfy his wife. He hired the same guy again and this time they traded positions. Naturally, the blonde had a divine orgasm.
The husband leaned over to the strong guy and said, “You see!! That’s how you wave the towel!”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

A cop asked the speeder

November 29th, 2005
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A cop asked the speeder for his name. “Fred.” “Fred what?” “Just Fred.” The officer pressed him for his last name. “I used to have a last name but I lost it.” Playing along, the cop asked, “So tell me, Fred, exactly how did you lose your last name?” Fred replied, “It’s kind of a long story, but here goes: I was born Fred Dingaling. Kids teased me relentlessly. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, got good grades and became a doctor, making me Fred Dingaling, MD. But dentistry was my dream, so I stayed in school and got my dental degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. But I hired this knockout dental hygienist, one thing led to another, and damned if she didn’t give me VD. That made me Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. When the ADA found out about the VD, they took away my DDS, making me Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as just Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling, so now I’m just Fred.” The officer tore up the ticket and walked away in tears, laughing.

wyldrob PG Jokes

Stepping On The Box Again

November 28th, 2005
: : : Currently listening to: Tone Loc – Wild Thing : : :

OK I am going to step up here and say something. If you fail to take a bath, do us a favor and do not get around others. This really irks me. If you have a job, or any sort of contact with others for that matter (even if it’s going out in public), you should take the time to wash yourself! There is probably nothing that more disgusting than someone who won’t bathe. I know someone is going to give examples here, but trust me, I can do without them.
I won’t go into detail about where I ran into this person. I doubt that person would ever read it on here anyway, but still. Just do everyone a favor and bathe. Brushing your teeth is also helpful!
OK, I am done now. You can go back to your daily life!

wyldrob soapbox

More Lyrics, Kind of.. Well you’ll see

November 28th, 2005
: : : Currently listening to: Chumbawamba – Homophobia : : :

I’ve not listened to this song in a long time. But I want to post the lyrics here. Have a look.

Read more…

wyldrob lyrics

Thanks!

November 28th, 2005
: : : Currently listening to: Bryan Adams – Run to you : : :

I just wanted to say thanks to Dana. She pointed out that she got an error 500 the other night when she was trying to post a comment here. I am not sure if that was the reason I had very few comments or not, but rest assured, it’s fixed. At least it’s fixed for now. The problem was when this was hosted on Jason’s server I had a different comment script than Jason. Well when I moved over here, I forgot about that.
When I was posting test comments here the other night, I didn’t receive an error, I just had pages that would never finish loading. I was still getting the comments, however. Most of you know, that comments are not immediately posted to here unless you use TypeKey. Feel free to sign up, as it’s free. That will also ensure that your comments are posted immediately. Of course if that becomes a problem, I’ll have to fix that as well. But most of the time it’s not a problem whatsoever. Jason is the only one here that I know who uses TypeKey. So why not sign up? After all it is free! If anyone else has any other problems here, let me know and I’ll try to get them fixed ASAP.

wyldrob personal

A husband suspected his wife

November 28th, 2005

A husband suspected his wife was having an affair, so before he left town on a business trip, he set a trap for her. He put a bowl of milk under the bed and then suspended a spoon directly above it from the bed springs. He calibrated it so that the spoon wouldn’t touch the milk unless there was more weight on the bed than just hers. When he got home several days later, he checked the bowl. It was full of butter!

wyldrob G Jokes