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Archive for March, 2005

“Now, class,” started the medical

March 29th, 2005
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“Now, class,” started the medical professor, “today we discuss the proper criteria to use to institutionalize a patient. Assume we have a bathtub filled with water, and then ask the patient to empty the bathtub, offering him the choice of a teaspoon or a tea cup. Mr. James, what do you think a ‘normal person’ would do?” “Obviously, the normal person would use the teacup because it’s much larger than the spoon,” said the confident student. “Wrong,” answered the professor. “A normal person would open the drain!”

wyldrob G Jokes

The young blonde took only

March 29th, 2005
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The young blonde took only a few minutes to check out the Porsches and Lamborghinis before settling on a Ferrari. “I’ll take the red one. Do you take cash?” Of course they did and she quickly pulled handfuls of bills out of her purse. But two days later she was back. “I want my money back! This car stinks every time I use the brakes.” Assuming such a young blonde might not be driving such a high performance car properly, the manager asks for a demonstration ride. He barely had his seatbelt fastened before she screamed out of the dealership, revved it up to 60 mph before shifting into second gear, 90 mph at third, does a handbrake turn into a narrow two-lane country road where she really accelerated. The car screams around turns, the engine trying to leap through the hood. At 170, the manager spotted in the distance a railroad crossing with the barriers down. Less than a hundred yards from the crossing, she stood on the brakes and the car came to a screeching halt inches from the tracks. “There”" she asked. “Can you smell it?” The shaken dealer cried, “Smell it? I’m sitting in it!”

wyldrob PG Jokes

After several years of serving

March 29th, 2005
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After several years of serving the church in a far away land a priest is requested to report to his new assignment at a church in the South Bonx New York. Upon his arrival he set out immediately to learn the new culture by taking a walk down the street in plain clothes.
On his way a loose looking woman approaches him and in a lowered voice says, “Hey Buddy… blow job 25 bucks.”
The priest glares at her confused and says “What’s a blow job?…”
The woman is just as confused and says “What are you a comedian!” and walks off.
The priest undaunted walks on to the next block and again another seedy looking woman confronts him and again repeats,
“Hey mister blow job 25 bucks.”
The priest quickly replies “What is this blow job!?”
The woman looks at him surprised and thinking something’s wrong hurries off.
The priest now very curious returns to the church to ask anyone he can find what exactly this thing he’s never heard of is. The first door he sees as he enters the church is that of Mother Superior.
The priest knocks on the door and Mother Superior invites him in to take a seat.
The priest looks at Mother Superior and says “I have a question – What is a blow job?”
Mother Superior quickly goes to shut the door and upon returning to her seat she replies in a whisper…. “Same as on the outside…. 25 Bucks…. ”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Court Says ‘Pay Up’

March 29th, 2005

Six years ago, during a brief affair in Chicago, Dr. Sharon Irons manually inseminated herself with sperm from Dr. Richard O. Phillips, following oral sex. The result was a daughter, now aged 5, for which Phillips has reluctantly been paying $800 a month to support while his lawsuit against Irons for deception travels through Illinois courts.
A trial judge had dismissed all of his claims, but in February, the Illinois Appeals Court granted a partial reversal, ordering a trial on whether she inflicted “emotional distress” by a legally “outrageous” act. However, the Court dismissed Phillips’s claim that Irons had “stolen” his sperm, stating that “it was a gift, an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee” and that, without a specific agreement to return it, it was hers to do with as she pleased.

wyldrob Weird News

A young native man walked

March 26th, 2005
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A young native man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi, I’m tired of handouts, I want a job.”
The man behind the counter replied, “Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You’ll have to drive around in a big white Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year.”
The native said, “Ah c’mon, you’re bullshitting me!”
The man behind the counter said, “Well, you started it!”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

A poodle escaped from a

March 25th, 2005
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A poodle escaped from a safari and soon was lost, deep in the African jungle. She saw a leopard heading for her and started thinking. She saw some bones lying nearby and immediately started chewing on them, facing away from the approaching cat. When she thought the leopard was about to pounce, she said loudly, “What a delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here.” The young leopard heard this, halted mid-stride, and then crept away into the trees. “That was close!” thought the leopard. “That old poodle almost got me!” A monkey who had seen the whole scene, figured he could trade his knowledge for some protection from the leopard. The poodle saw him talking with the leopard and figured he must be up to something. Soon the young leopard was furious at being played the fool and charged again. The poodle saw him coming but, instead of running, she again turned her back on her attacker. Just when the leopard got within earshot, the poodle yelled, “Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago for more leopard!”

wyldrob G Jokes

As the giant aircraft carrier

March 24th, 2005
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As the giant aircraft carrier was docking after a long tour of sea duty, the ship’s captain noticed a sailor on the flight deck sending semaphore messages to an attractive young woman, who answered him back with her own flags. Concerned about security, the captain barked to his bridge signalman, “What message are those two people sending?” The signalman soon reported, “Sir, he is sending ‘foxtrot foxtrot’ and she is sending ‘echo foxtrot’.” Without a clue as to what this exchange meant, he dispatched a Marine to bring the sailor to the bridge. The sailor quickly arrived and saluted smartly. “Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!” “Seaman,” said the Captain, “Who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals with her?” “Sir, that’s my wife, Sir. And she wants to eat first!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

A few months after Bill’s

March 23rd, 2005
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A few months after Bill’s retirement, his wife was more than ready to get him out of her house. “You need to join a club or get a hobby or something,” she said. Bill agreed, and that afternoon he left home. A few hours later, he returned. “Honey, you were right,” he said. “I just went down to the corner bar, tipped a few, and hung out with the guys. And guess what? I ended up joining a parachute club!” “Parachute club?! At your age? You did not!” “Yeah, I did it, all right! Here’s my membership card.” “You old fart! You need glasses. This says you’re a member of prostitute club!” “Oh, crap,” said Bill. “I signed up for five jumps a week!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

A couple decided they needed

March 23rd, 2005
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A couple decided they needed to a code word to indicate when they wanted to have sex so their children wouldn’t know. They decided on the word “typewriter.” Soon, the husband told their young daughter, “Honey, go tell Mommy that Daddy needs to type a letter.” She did so and Mom responded, “Tell Daddy that he can’t type his letter right now because there’s a red ribbon in the typewriter.” She did so. A few days later, Mom told the daughter, “Tell Daddy he can type his letter now.” She told him, then returned to her mother and announced, “Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote that letter by hand!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

A farmer was out working

March 17th, 2005
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A farmer was out working in his fields when he had to pee really bad. He was quite a ways from the house so he just climbed off his tractor and peed in the clover.
As luck would have it, a bee decided it was lunch time and zapped him right on the end of his dingus. It really hurt terribly when he remembered that buttermilk was known to relieve bee stings. He dashed to the house, opened the fridge, poured a glass of buttermilk and started to soak his dingus.
What a relief!
Then he heard a gasp and saw that his 16-year-old daughter was in the doorway, looking wide-eyed at what he was doing! He turned to her and said, “Now don’t tell me you’ve never seen one of these!”
She replied, “You’re right, Daddy, I have. It’s just that I’ve never seen one being reloaded!!

wyldrob Adult Jokes