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Archive for October, 2004

This married couple was on

October 28th, 2004
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This married couple was on holiday in India. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a man with an Indian accent say, “You foreigners! Come in… Come into my humble shop.”
So the married couple walked in. The Indian man said to them, “I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex like great desert camel.” Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Indian man replied, “Just try them on, Saiheeb.”
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seenin many years!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Indian man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Indian’s thighs.
The Indian then began screaming, “YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!

wyldrob Adult Jokes

How to Avoid the Flu

October 28th, 2004
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How to Avoid the Flu

1 Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
2 Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
3 Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
4 Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
5 Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
6 Get plenty of rest.
7 Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR …. You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol. Why? Because alcohol kills germs. So……
1,2 I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), also vitamin packed.
3 I walk to the local bar (exercise),
5 drink on the bar patio (fresh air),
6,7 get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest).
The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!

wyldrob G Jokes

Screw Harry Potter. What a

October 27th, 2004
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Screw Harry Potter. What a REAL 12 year old wizard would do:
-Turn that owl into a Hooters waitress.
-Screw thumbtacks — put a T-Rex in the teacher’s chair!
-Bring about world peace — through brutal domination with his minions of large-breasted, booger-firing KoolAidMan-bots
-Grow pubes
-Make sure he doesn’t develop carpal tunnel from spending too much time “polishing the magic wand.”
-Dad’s salary: $54,000; Young wizard’s allowance: $212,000.

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

Q: Why do women always

October 22nd, 2004
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Q: Why do women always go to the bathroom right after sex?
A: They can’t teach their pussies to spit.

wyldrob Adult Jokes

There’s six redheads. How can

October 22nd, 2004
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There’s six redheads. How can you tell which one is dating the dumb blonde guy?
Look for the one with the bruised belly button!

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

A nun badly needed a

October 22nd, 2004
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A nun badly needed a bathroom so she entered a nearby bar. The place was jumping, music, dancing, laughter but when she appeared, the room went silent. She asked the bartender, “May I please use your restroom?” The bartender replied, “Well, yeah, but maybe you shouldn’t.” “Why now?” “Well, Sister, there’s a statue of a man in there with his privates covered only by a fig leaf.” “Nonsense,” said the nun, “I’ll just look the other way.” So the bartender showed her to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out to a round of applause and laughter from the whole place. Puzzled, she asked the bartender, “Why are they doing this? Why applaud me just because I went to the restroom?” “Well, Sister, now they know you’re one of us.” “What do you mean?” said the puzzled nun. “You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time that statue’s fig leaf is raised, all the lights in the whole place go out. Now, how about a drink?”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

October 21st, 2004
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There were three things on my shopping list that I needed to get from Wal-mart; toothpaste, razors and lotion.
After picking out the first two items I headed toward the lotion aisle searching for the biggest cheapest bottle that I could find.
And as I picked up the jumbo-sized bottle of Jergen’s I got shot the strangest look from the lady standing next to me as if for some reason she knew that lotion wasn’t necessarily going to be used for “skin moisturization”.
I looked at her and said the only thing I could think of: “Just got high-speed internet. Need to stock up.”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

Mr. Gaye, a US Airways

October 21st, 2004
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Mr. Gaye, a US Airways employee, was traveling aboard a US Airways flight on a free voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gaye moved to an empty seat. Eventually it became obvious that the flight was full and, when the seat was needed, the gate attendant went to Mr. Gaye’s original seat and asked the man now sitting there, “Excuse me, are you Gaye?” The man was taken aback, but said, “Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am!” The flight attendant said, “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get off the plane. We need your seat.” At this point, Mr. Gaye, who saw all this and realized the error, jumped up and said, “Excuse me. You’ve made a mistake. I’m Gaye!” Two rows behind him another man stood up and said, “Hang in there! I’m gay, too and they can’t throw us all off!”

wyldrob G Jokes

SOS?!?!?!

October 19th, 2004
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So this isn’t a joke, but it’s still funny. The AP published the following article:
” CORVALLIS, Ore. (AP) — An Oregon man’s flat-screen TV is loaded with all the bells and whistles — including one option he’d rather not have.
A couple of weeks ago the Toshiba with built-in VCR, DVD and CD player starting emitting the international distress signal.
An orbiting search and rescue satellite picked up the signal and before long Chris van Rossman heard a knock at the door.
Air Force officials, a police officer and a search and rescue deputy were outside.
Officials have told him to keep the TV off or face a fine.
A Toshiba spokeswoman says this is the first time the company has heard of such a problem.”

wyldrob G Jokes

A guy was stopped by

October 19th, 2004
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A guy was stopped by a policeman for speeding, and does a lot of begging. Finally, the policeman says: “OK. I’ll ask you a question. If you answer correctly, I’ll forget about the ticket!”
“Go ahead!” answers the speeder.
“You’re driving at night, and two lights appear in front of you. What is it?”
“That’s easy! It’s a car!”
“Sure! But, what kind of car? Is it a Ford? Is it a Chevy? Is it a VW?” replies the policeman, and proceeds to write the ticket.
“Wait! Give me another chance!”, begs the guy.
“Ok. But, this is your last chance! You fail to answer – you get the ticket!”
“Fair enough.”
“You’re driving at night, and a light appears in front of you. What is it?”
“That’s easy! It’s a bike!”
“Sure! But, what kind of bike? Is it a Honda? Is it a Suzuki? Is it a Harley Davidson? Sorry, you’re getting the ticket!”
“Yeah, OK. But let me ask you a question too.”
“Go ahead,” answers the policeman.
“You see a bare breasted woman standing at the curve, bargaining with clients, what is it?” asks the guy.
“Easy. That’s a hooker,” replies the policeman.
“Sure! But, what kind of hooker? Is it your mother? Is it your sister? Is it your daughter?”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes