Archive for September, 2004

I’ve never understood why women

September 30th, 2004
Comments Off

I’ve never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, when they do come home they expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone to sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

wyldrob G Jokes

No more PT

September 29th, 2004
::Currently listening to: Beastie Boys – Brass Monkey::

I finished what will be my last physical therapy session – at least for right now. I visited with the doctor today, now they are sending me to have an MRI done. I am sure that will be fun. Sitting in this machine and having to be perfectly still for about an hour and a half while they do this procedure. Sounds fun, eh?
I also had dinner with Ginny today – pizza! So that makes two days in a row I’ve had that. That’s what Regina gave me yesterday! I wonder who will invite me for supper tomorrow. I will have to wait and see.
I still need scan some more pictures. I scanned a bunch yesterday, but I have more that I want to get done. Boy, I wish I had a digital camera ten years ago (or longer in some cases) when all these pics were taken. I might post one or two of me when I was a lot younger when I get them scanned. I know you all just want to see those. And for some of you, you will telling me how it doesn’t look like me! At least I have access to a scanner so I can get these pics done. I finally finished all the pics of Regina’s class. We had to pic on this one boy and give me a couple of different hairdos. We gave him one of the old Kid N Play flattops. I am not sure if you remember who that is, but it’s from the late 80′s or early 90′s. I also did another one tonight with a big afro. I am sure he will love that one. I can’t wait to hear about his reaction. Should be funny. He kind of laughed at the flattop one. Well he especially laughed at it until he found out it was himself! Anyway, it was fun. And it is giving me some more experience with PhotoShop!
Well that’s all for now! I might have some more stories for you later. Just keep your fingers crossed!

wyldrob personal

For our honeymoon my fiancee

September 29th, 2004
Comments Off

For our honeymoon my fiancee and I chose a fashionable hotel known for its luxurious suites.
When I called to make reservations, the desk clerk inquired, “Is this for a special occasion?”
“Yes, it’s our honeymoon,” I replied.
“Oh, wonderful! And how many adults will there be?” she asked.

wyldrob G Jokes

Couples who have lived together

September 29th, 2004
Comments Off

Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating. A woman over heard her aunt and uncle one day:
“What are you looking for in that closet?” Sadie asked.
“Nothing,” Morris answered.
“Well, it’s not in there. Look under the bed.”

wyldrob G Jokes

pics and more pics

September 29th, 2004
::Currently listening to: Skid Row – Here I am::

I’ve helped Regina the last couple of days by making silhouettes of her students. She’s doing some sort of project and needed them. I sat here for about 4 hours last night and another hour tonight messing with them. AT least it gave me something to do to keep from being so bored. I also borrowed her scanner. I have scanned about 40 or 50 pics this evening as well. Most of them are of my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Of course they were taken some time ago, and I forgot I had them until about two weeks ago.
Ricky stopped by this even to waste some time before he had to go pick up Josh. We just sat here and talked mostly. He had to sit while I was scanning pics because I was determined to get them scanned! Chris stopped by too. I was kind of surprised, two visitors in one day. That is unusual for me!
I had what might be my last physical therapy session yesterday. I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow to see what he says. My back isn’t really any better, so we’ll see what he has to say. The therapist says I should be getting better. So she fears something serious could be wrong. I guess I have to wait and see.
Well I don’t have anything else to share this evening. So y’all have fun.

wyldrob Uncategorized

Who knows these songs?

September 27th, 2004
::Currently listening to: Nickelback – Figured You Out::

OK I am posting some lyrics here for you to see. The first one is “Camel Toe” by Bob & Tom. The second is called “Bottle Action” by Miss Beehavin’ (sp?). Let me know what you think and if you can figure out what the hell that line is in “Camel Toe” where I have the question mark. I have listened to that song over and over and can’t figure it out. I might have some of the lyrics messed up in the other song too, but I think they are pretty close. Let me know if there need to be any corrections.

Read more…

wyldrob Uncategorized

A girl goes up to

September 25th, 2004
Comments Off

A girl goes up to her father one night and says, “Dad, can I have the car tonight?”
Her father looks at her thoughtfully and says, “Sure, if you give me a blowjob.”
So the girl puts his penis in her mouth and almost immediately spits it back out.
“Your penis tastes like shit!” she cries.
“Oh yeah,” her father replied, “I forgot I loaned the car to your brother tonight.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

A shepherd was herding his

September 23rd, 2004
Comments Off

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW appeared in a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, “If I tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one?” The shepherd looked at the yuppie, then at his grazing flock, and calmly answered, “Okay.” The yuppie parked his car, grabbed his handheld GPS, whipped out his Pocket PC, surfed to NASA’s web site, entered in the GPS data, brought up a recent ultra-high-resolution satellite photo, transferred it to Photoshop and exported it to an image processing facility in Hamburg. Within seconds, his Blackberry had an email notifying him that his image was processed and its data stored in a SQL database on a networked server nearby. He downloaded the data into an ODBC-connected Excel spreadsheet, ran a statistical analysis, transferred the results to Word, outlined it, massaged the outline, then OLEd it into a short PowerPoint presentation, which he then showed to the shepherd. It read, simply, “1,586.” “That’s right. Well, I guess you can have a sheep.” The young man selected an animal and loaded it into the BMW’s trunk. The shepherd then asked him, “If I can name your profession, can I have my sheep back?” The man said, “Okay, sure. Why not?” Without a moment’s hesitation, the shepherd said, “You’re a consultant.” “That’s right!” said the yuppie, “but how did you know?” “Easy. You showed up here even though nobody called you; you expected to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and, you don’t know a damned thing about my business. Now give me back my dog!”

wyldrob G Jokes

30 Things Hurricanes Teach Us

September 22nd, 2004
Comments Off

30 Things Hurricanes Teach Us

1. An oak tree on the ground looks four times bigger than it did standing up
2. Even after all these years it is still nice to spend time with Col. Mustard in the ballroom with the lead pipe.
3. When house hunting look for closets with lots of leg room.
4. Water from the shower is much colder than water from the kitchen sink–and tastes just as bad.
5. AA, C and D are the only alphabet we need ( batteries )
6. The four-way stop is still an ingenious reflection of civility.
7. Radio can be the best way to watch television.
8. Chain-saw wielding men are nothing to be afraid of.
9. SUV’s are the best makeshift tents on the market.
10. You can use your washing machine as a cooler.
11. It’s your God given right to sit on your back porch and eat Chinese takeout by candlelight in your underwear.
12. We shouldn’t complain about “useless” tools in the garage– we actually DO need a generator
13. You can’ t spell “priceless” without I-C-E.
14. Downed power lines make excellent security systems.
15. Lakes can generate waves.
16. Gasoline is a value at any price
17. Cell phones: Breaking up isn’t hard to do.
18. The life blood of any disaster recovery is COFFEE
19. The need for your dog to go out and take care of business is inversely proportional to the severity of the storm.
20. Candlelight is better than Botox— it takes years off your appearance
21. Air Conditioning: BEST. INVENTION. EVER.
22. Water is a comfort food. But 3-day-old Cheetos are too.
23. Shadow animals on the wall—still fun.
24. No matter how hard the wind blows, roadside campaign signs will survive.
25. You should never admit to having power at your house in the presence of co-workers or neighbors who do not.
26. There’s a plus to having NOTHING in the refrigerator.
27. Getting through the day should be an Olympic event.
28. The movie theater can be a most pleasant place, even if the feature is Alien vs. Predator
29. Somebody’s got it worse.
30. Somebody’s got it better. Obviously, they’re getting preferential treatment.

wyldrob G Jokes

A teacher entered her classroom

September 22nd, 2004
Comments Off

A teacher entered her classroom one Monday morning and found the word “penis” written on the board in tiny letters. She scanned her class’s faces looking for guilt, but found none, so she erased it and continued with the day’s lessons. On Tuesday she found the same word written in larger letters. Again, she searched in vain to find the culprit. Every day the same word appeared and each day it grew larger. The following Monday she arrived fully expecting a giant version, but instead found a neatly-lettered sentence: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes