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Archive for August, 2004

F’cked in the Head

August 29th, 2004
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F’cked in the Head

I usually don’t post links, but Alanna sent wyldrob & I this link about people writing their pre-adult sex misconceptions. It’s funny as hell. Go here to read it.

wyldrob Adult Jokes

A blonde walked into a

August 28th, 2004
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A blonde walked into a computer shop one day and asked the shop assistant for a curtain to fit her 15 inch computer monitor. The assistant said, “Why do you want a curtain for your computer screen?”
To which the blonde replies, “I’ve got Windows”.

wyldrob G Jokes

Fucking idiots

August 28th, 2004
::Currently listening to: Beastie Boys – Paul Revere::

OK I need to get on my soapbox here for a few minutes. As some of you know, I had my screen name wyldrob with AOL for years. Well I finally decided to cancel that account last year. I mean why continue to support dumb asses like them, right? Anyway, it used to be that if you canceled your account, you could still use the name on AIM. Well that isn’t the case anymore. Well I have wrote them a few times asking about the name and why I can’t use it. I seem to get the same thing all the time, I can’t use that name anymore. But what I am saying is that it has been over a year since I got rid of that account and it is still unavailable! I mean , what the fuck kind of bullshit is that? They are just so damn stupid.
This is the email I got :

Hello! I am Lewis from America Online (AOL). I appreciate the time you’ve spent writing to us and that you have given me the chance to help you with any concerns or issues you have.
I understand from your recent e-mail that you have canceled your AOL account, but would like to retain the Screen Name for use with AIM.
Keeping your AOL account maintains your current Screen Name. Your friends and family recognize you by that Screen Name. But, if you cancel your AOL membership, you will not be able to use any Screen Name on your AOL account with AIM. So keeping your Screen Name means you are still part of the largest and best online community. Which is great for you because you can stay in contact with all of your family and friends and always find someone who shares your interests.
I would suggest that you may try or create another screen name that are available on the service.
Lewis C.
Customer Care Consultant
The TechMail Department
America Online, Inc.

OK well Lewis, obviously you didn’t read my email, because I clearly stated that it has been a year and I want to know why the name is still unavailable. You failed to mention that didn’t you? You stupid ignorant asshole. You need to be put in front of a firing squad for being such a dumb ass and not being able to read! Another thing you ignorant cunt, I have another name to use on AIM. I had to create that last year and then go around changing everything when I could no longer use wyldrob! Geez, some people.
OK, I am off my soapbox. This might be an ongoing thing, I’ll wait til I get the next email from them. Might be fun. I am going to keep bugging them until someone can give me some answers!
On a brighter note, I am going to the Outback later with Jason and Ricky. That should be lots of fun. It’s going to suck in a way because I can’t drink right now. Well, at least I am not supposed to drink. I might just break down and have one little drink. Who knows. But it should still be OK.

wyldrob personal

A farmer hires Little Johnny

August 27th, 2004
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A farmer hires Little Johnny one summer to help around the farm. At the end of the summer the farmer says, “Little Johnny, since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you.”
Little Johnny says, “Right on, thanks a lot man!”
So the farmer says, “Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkin’ going on.”
Little Johnny says, “Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine.”
And the farmer adds, “There is also going to be a lot of fightin’ so I hope you are ready.”
Little Johnny responds, “I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape.”
“One more thing,” says the farmer. “Did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?”
“Far out!” says Little Johnny. “I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action. What should I wear to this party?”
The farmer says, “I don’t care,… it’s just going to be the two of us.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

“All right, class. I want

August 27th, 2004
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“All right, class. I want you to each make up a sentence using the word, ‘fascinate.’ Molly? Let’s hear yours.” Molly said, “We went to granddad’s farm and it was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, Molly, but I asked you to use the word ‘fascinate.’ Sally? How about you?” Sally said, “My family went to Rock City and I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Well, that was good too, but I want the word ‘fascinate.’” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Little Johnny was infamous for his bad language but she decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him. Little Johnny said, “My aunt’s sweater has nine buttons, but her tits are so big that she can only fascinate!”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

A panda walks into a

August 27th, 2004
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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich.The sandwich arrives, which he eats quietly. When done, he pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”
“Hey, man, I’m a PANDA!” the panda shouts back. “Look it up!” he yells, tossing a small dictionary to the irate man.
The manager opens the dictionary and reads:
Panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

wyldrob G Jokes

Late one night, Officer O’Leary’s

August 26th, 2004
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Late one night, Officer O’Leary’s patrol car passed a used car lot when he spotted two little old ladies sitting in a Chevy convertible. O’Leary drove up beside them. “Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?” “Why, officer; certainly not!” said one. “We bought this car today.” “Well, then,” said O’Leary, “why don’t you just start it up and drive home?” “We don’t drive,” said the other little old lady. “Besides, we’d rather wait here.” “What? Why?” asked O’Leary. “We were told that if we bought a car here, we’d get screwed!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

A huge burly guy walked

August 26th, 2004
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A huge burly guy walked into a bar. As he passed a meek little man sitting at the bar, he hit him on the neck and knocked him to the floor. The big guy said, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little man eventually climbed back up on his barstool. Soon, the big guy headed for the bathroom and, as he passed the little man, he hit him on the other side of the neck and knocked him to the floor again. The big guy said, “That was a judo chop from Japan.” The little guy had had enough. He left, but returned a few minutes later, walked behind the big burly guy, conked him on the head and knocked him to the floor. The little guy said to the bartender, “When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from my car!”

wyldrob G Jokes

A distraught man went to

August 26th, 2004
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A distraught man went to a psychiatrist and exclaimed, “Doctor, I believe that I am possessed by an evil spirit.” After talking to the patient at some length, the psychiatrist said, “You do appear to have a problem. I’d like to see you again next Wednesday.”
After a second session of psychotherapy, the psychiatrist pronounced his patient completely cured.
For the next nine months, the psychiatrist sent the man a monthly statement for his professional services, but the man wouldn’t pay and refused to acknowledge the debt. Finally, the psychiatrist took the man to court and had him repossessed.

wyldrob G Jokes

From a recent letter to

August 26th, 2004
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From a recent letter to the editor in Tennessee:
“The actions taken by the New Hampshire Episcopalians (INDUCTING A GAY BISHOP) are an affront to Christians everywhere.
I am just thankful that the church’s founder, Henry VIII, and his wife Catherine of Aragon, and his wife Anne Boleyn, and his wife Jane Seymour, and his wife Anne of Cleves, and his wife Katherine Howard, and his wife Catherine Parr are no longerhere to suffer through this assault on traditional Christian marriages.”

wyldrob G Jokes