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Archive for May, 2004

Jim and Charlie were using

May 31st, 2004
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Jim and Charlie were using the urinals when Jim just happened to glance over. He said, “Geez, Charlie! Has that thing grown?” Charlie said, “Why, yeah, it has. Three inches, in fact.” Jim said, “Damn! Three inches? What’d you do?” “I just rub it with butter three times a day.” “I gotta try that.” A few months later they run into each other again. Charlie asked, “Well, did you try it? Did it work?” Jim replied, “Yes, I did try it, damn you! It shrank two inches!” “Really? Did you rub it with butter three times a day?” Jim shook his head. “Nah, butter’s too expensive. I used Crisco.” Charlie said, “Well, no wonder. Crisco is shortening!”

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

much deserved weekend

May 29th, 2004
::Currently listening to: Eagles – I Can’t Tell You Why::

Well I am sitting here at my mothers’s house playing on here computers. She was saying that she was having various problems with them. So I am here to fix them. At least I hope that is!
SKF was nice to use this weekend. They gave us the entire weekend off. We even have Memorial Day as well. So I came here the first day. I probably would not have came if Regina was not coming as well. They are outside cleaning out the hole that used to be the pool. Mama is going to have it repaired and open it once again for relaxation. I told them that I had work to do in here. I don’t think they are too happy, but honestly I didn’t dress to do all that. And if they hold it against me, so be it. It wouldn’t be the first time. But honestly after working so many days with no day off I need a break! And I’m sorry if that seems too selfish, but dammit this will be the only time I have off until the end of June more than likely. So everyone better be ready to celebrate my birthday. If you don’t know when it is, ask Jason! I certainly don’t think he would forget when it is. He certainly better not forget!
I am not sure exactly what I’ll do Sunday and Monday. I know I need to clean up the house, so I am thinking I’l spend some time tomorrow doing that. Monday I would like to grill out, but I am not sure if it’ll happen or not. Only time will tell. Well I guess I better go find something constructive to do. I need to go find something to eat as, I have not eaten since I got that biscuit at Popeye’s this morning. Wish me a safe trip back home!

wyldrob personal

A salesman was driving along

May 28th, 2004
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A salesman was driving along a lonely stretch of Interstate 95 in a heavy rainstorm, when he spied a hitchhiker. He stopped and picked him up. As they proceeded on their way, the salesman explained that he very rarely picked up a hitchhiker, but the storm was so bad he just had to stop for this man.
The hitchhiker then asked why the salesman did not make it a practice to pick up people on the road. The salesman said, “Well, I used to, until one day when my wife and I picked up a hitchhiker who pulled a gun on us, took our money and clothes, and made my wife get in the back seat and suck him off.”
“Well, darling,,” came the effeminate voice of the hitchhiker, as he pulled his gun, “this just isn’t your day.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Diane was a beautiful girl.

May 28th, 2004
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Diane was a beautiful girl. As she was walking down the lane one hot summer’s day, the heat became so unbearable that she decided to go for a swim. She took off her clothes, piled them neatly on the side of the riverbank, and dived in.
A couple of young boys came along and decided to steal her clothes. It grew dark, and Diane just couldn’t stay in the water any longer, so she went to the side of the road and decided to hitch a ride home. Along came Mike, riding a bicycle.
He stopped for Diane. “Come,” he said. “I’ll drive you into town.” She jumped in front of his bicycle seat for the ride.
Mike said nothing, but after ten minutes Diane was so overwhelmed at how cool he was that she said, “Tell me, haven’t you noticed that I’m completely naked?”
“Sure,” said Mike. “Haven’t you noticed that you’re riding on a girl’s bicycle?”

wyldrob R Jokes

George Smith and Percy Smith

May 27th, 2004
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George Smith and Percy Smith were twins. Rich, powerful and immoral, they thought their wealth and influence were enough to conceal their wicked ways from the congregation of the church they so piously attended, but eventually the preacher saw through them. One night, while exerting himself at his favorite bordello, Percy died of a heart attack. The next morning, brother George sought out the preacher and gave him a handsome check, enough to pay for a new wing to be named after his brother. “My donation has only one condition,” he said. “At my brother’s funeral, you must say that Percy Smith was a saint.” Eyeing the much-needed check, the preacher thought a moment, then gave his word, shook hands, took George’s check and quickly deposited it in the bank. At the funeral, the preacher began his eulogy, “Percy Smith was an evil man.” George was flabbergasted. He tried to hide his rage, but the blood rose up his neck and spread throughout his face. The preacher continued, “Percy Smith cheated on his wife and abused his family. He exploited his workers and stole from his businesses.” For a good twenty minutes, the preacher detailed every aspect of Percy’s evil life as George seethed. As the eulogy wound down, all George could think about was revenge. And that’s when the preacher looked straight into George’s eyes and delivered his eulogy’s final sentence: “But compared to his brother George, Percy Smith was a saint.”

wyldrob G Jokes

Did you hear about the

May 26th, 2004
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Did you hear about the two blondes that froze to death at the drive-in movie? They were there to see “Closed for the Winter.”

wyldrob G Jokes

Right outside her front door,

May 26th, 2004
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Right outside her front door, my mother had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees.
“Mom,” April suggested without thinking, “you should stick that thing where the sun doesn’t shine.”

wyldrob PG Jokes

AOL Version 9.0 cool features you may not be aware of

May 26th, 2004
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AOL Version 9.0 cool features you may not be aware of

Easy tutorial helps users count past 8.0.
Pop-ups! More Pop-ups! (Oh wait, that’s actually true and it’s not funny at all.)
Buddy List automatically includes Larry King, whether you want him or not.
Identifies the best porn on the Internet so you know precisely which sites to, um, avoid.
Pedophiles 50% creepier!
You can install this version rectally.

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

Little Johnny is running around

May 25th, 2004
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Little Johnny is running around the house making life miserable for his mother. She says, “Johnny, why don’t you go across the street and watch them build the house. Maybe you can learn some neat things.”
Johnny disappears for about four hours and returns later in the afternoon. “Did you learn anything interesting today?”, his mother asks.
“I learned how to hang a door”, Johnny replies. Mom says, “That’s great! How do you do that?”.
“Well, first you get the son of bitch. Then, you slap the piece of shit up there but it’s too fucking small. So you shave a cunt hair off here and a cunt hair off there and put the goddamn thing up.”
Johnny’s mom is floored by his language. “You go to your room and wait until your father gets home!!”.
Later, Johnny’s dad goes into his room and says, “I understand you got in a little trouble today.”
“All I did was tell Mom how to hang a door.”
“Why don’t you tell me”, Dad asks? “Well, first you get the son of bitch. Then you slap the piece of shit up there but it’s too fucking small. So you shave a cunt hair off here and a cunt hair off there and put the goddamn thing up.”
Dad screams, “That’s it young man. You go get a switch from the back yard.”
Johnny looks at his dad and says, “Fuck you, that’s the electricians job!”

wyldrob R Jokes

Little Johnny is riding his

May 25th, 2004

Little Johnny is riding his tricycle around the living room and stops at the kitchen door.
He states “Everyone who wants to get off the bus, get the fuck off; everyone who wants to get on, get the fuck on.”
His mother who is in the kitchen, yells “Young man watch your language.”
Johnny rides around the living room. Again he stops and says “everyone who wants to get off, get the fuck off; everyone who wants to get on, get the fuck on.”
His mother yells, “Johnny I’m not gonna tell you again.”
He quickly rides around the living room again. He stops and says “Everyone who wants to get off the bus, get the fuck off; and everyone who wants to get on, get the fuck on.”
His mother quickly and firmly states “That’s it, go to your room till I call for you.”
Johnny does as he is told. Two hours later his mother realizes that Johnny is in his room. She calls him out. He comes out of his room, gets on his tricycle and rides around the living room.
When he stops he says “Everyone who wants to get of the bus, get the fuck off; everyone who wants to get on, get the fuck on. If anyone has a problem with the two hour delay, well, go see the BITCH in the kitchen.”

wyldrob R Jokes