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Archive for April, 2004

A woman and her boyfriend

April 30th, 2004
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A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar — a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.”
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue! — salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys – smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks – this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it …. in one second the sharp lime taste hits… at two seconds the Baileys curdles… at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend.
She smiles widely at him and says, “So, how did you like it? It’s called ‘Blow Job’s Revenge.’”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Today’s Dilbert

April 30th, 2004
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Today’s Dilbert

wyldrob G Jokes

Two car salesmen were sitting

April 30th, 2004
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Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar whining about business. One complained, “If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking ass.” Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting a few stools away. He immediately apologized for his language. “That’s okay,” she replied. “If I don’t sell more ass this month, I’m going to lose my fucking car!”

wyldrob R Jokes

A well-dressed man and a

April 30th, 2004
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A well-dressed man and a small boy entered an expensive restaurant and ordered complete meals, from appetizers to dessert. But when the waiter brought the bill, the man reached for his wallet, and said, “I must have left my wallet in the car. Would you watch my son until I return, please?” Half an hour passed, then an hour. It was nearing closing time when the waiter grew impatient and asked the youngster, “Where did your father park his car anyway?” And the boy answered, “I don’t know. He’s not my father. I was shining shoes in the street when he asked me if I wanted a great meal for free!”

wyldrob G Jokes

A True Story? A

April 29th, 2004
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A True Story?

A 36 year old married woman filed a lawsuit against Delta Airlines for being publicly humiliated after she boarded a Delta Airlines flight with her husband in Dallas, Texas on a stop over from Las Vegas, Nevada to her home in Clearwater, Florida. After boarding, the woman surprising heard her name being called on the plane’s P.A. system asking her to identify herself and to please come forward.
Alarmed, the woman complied, and was greeted by a Delta security agent who informed her that something in her luggage was vibrating. The woman was escorted off of the plane by the security agent and lead to the tarmac next to the plane where her luggage had been placed. The woman explained to the security agent that the vibrating must be from an adult toy she purchased while in Las Vegas.
The security agent, not being satisfied with this representation, made the woman remove the toy from the luggage and hold it up for inspection, in full view of curious passengers looking out the windows of the plane as well as in front of a few Delta ground personnel who, as the complaint alleges, “began laughing hysterically.”
The woman was allowed to repack her luggage and return to her seat on the plane. Albeit, a little red faced we’re sure.

wyldrob R Jokes

Pete and his lawyer are

April 29th, 2004
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Pete and his lawyer are in the courtroom, being charged with theft. The lawyer tells the crusty old judge, “Your Honor, my client has produced receipts for, firstly, the high speed modem.”
“High-speed modem?” questions the judge.
“Yes” replies the lawyer, “It allows computers to communicate over vast distances at high rates of speed. It allows email and something called cybersex in AOL chatrooms, your honor.”
“Cybersex?” says the judge, “You mean sex through a modem? You mean sex on a monitor? Good lord, the morals of this society! Sex should be a natural event of nature!”
“Secondly, Your Honor,” continues the lawyer, “My client can produce a receipt for the 12-speed cd-rom.”
“12-speed cd-rom?” queries the judge.
“Yes Your Honor, it enables millions of bits of information to be read off a small disk.”
“And I suppose most of this information is cybersex related… Modern technology and modern society, baffling, just baffling,” comments the judge. “I’m appalled at what technology is doing to society these days.”
“Thirdly Your Honor, my client can produce a receipt for the super deluxe inflatable milk maid, whatever that is.”
“That’s the one with the silicone breasts and real hair,” replies the judge.

wyldrob PG-13 Jokes

Little Johnny’s family was supposed

April 29th, 2004
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Little Johnny’s family was supposed to stay the night at a hotel, and there was a screw-up with the rooms. Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as Little Johnny.
In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted: “Quick! Get me a woman! Fast!!”
Little Johnny moaned: “Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, it’s three o’clock in the morning, and you’ll never find a woman at this hour. Second, you’re 82 years old, and third, that’s MY dick you’re holding… not yours.”

wyldrob R Jokes

Newspaper Ads I’d Like To See

April 29th, 2004

Newspaper Ads I’d Like To See

Are You Illiterate? Learn to read by mail with six-month correspondence course. Write today for free booklet. Yes, I stole this joke. But you can’t read, so fuck you.

wyldrob PG Jokes

Mexican Dinner

April 28th, 2004
::Currently listening to: The Offspring – The Worst Hangover Ever::

Never go to the Mexican place on Tuesday night. It must be kids night or something. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind children at all, but most of these were screaming and/or pitching a fit about something. Oh well at least he food was good.
I dropped in to visit with Caroline last night as well. I thought she’d come to see me by now but no avail. Anyway it was nice to see her again. Maybe it won’t be as long before I see her again.
I only slept about four hours last night and it’s telling on me. I got up to take Daddy’s car to have brakes put on it. I am sitting here now waiting on them to call and tell me to come pick it up. Just my luck, they’ll wait til I’m asleep before they call.
Well that’s all for now, I’m too damn tired to think of what else I want to write!

wyldrob personal

From Reader’s Digest

April 28th, 2004
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From Reader’s Digest

I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home.
Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night’s sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years.
The next morning, I asked my husband, “Why was Zack in bed with you?”
“Oh,” he replied, shrugging, “he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets.”

wyldrob PG Jokes