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Archive for the ‘Dumb Crooks’ Category

Man Shoots Himself with Nail Gun

November 19th, 2007

GLOUCESTER, England – A man who shot himself with a nail gun in Gloucester to get money was sentenced Wednesday to 30 months in jail. David Russell, 38, claimed he was robbed by three men who shot him seven times with a two-inch nail gun. One of the nails nearly went through his heart and had to be removed surgically, The Times of London reports. Local investigators pressed Russell and he admitted to making a similar claim seven years before. In that scam he reportedly received 4,400 pounds ($9,000) in compensation.
The two men Russell said attacked him were arrested and later released. Russell pleaded guilty in the Gloucester Crown Court to two charges of perverting the course of justice. The newspaper reported the local prosecutor, Julian Kesner, described Russell as a “very convincing fantasist,” adding that he has “told the most audacious of lies, including concocting stories of being the victim of the most extraordinary crimes.” The defense, meanwhile, claimed Russell had tried to kill himself on both occasions.

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May I Finish My Dessert First?

June 19th, 2006

A motorist was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance after he was caught with two rocks of crack cocaine he had stashed in his ice cream dessert.
Oscar Martinez, of Richmond, Indiana had been pulled over by police after he failed to stop at a pedestrian crossing on the campus of a junior college.
The police officer discovered that Martinez had a suspended driver’s license and an outstanding traffic warrant.
Martinez told the arresting officer that he wished he could finish the banana split he had in his car.
When the policeman saw the melting banana split on the front floorboard of Martinez’s car, he noticed that it was topped with a square-shaped object that turned out to be crack cocaine.
“One of the crack rocks was sitting right on top of the bananas,” said Sergeant Felix Vaughn. “Once I found the first crack rock, I figured there were more inside. I emptied it out and there it was.”
Martinez was arrested and charged with driving with a suspended license, a traffic warrant and possession of a controlled substance.

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His Vanity Plate Was Too Obvious

June 16th, 2006

If you are going to be transporting marijuana, perhaps you shouldn’t have a licenseplate that reads “THC4ME”. Read the full story here: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19248650-421,00.html

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Woman Has 6 Year Old Accomplice

June 16th, 2006

JIM THORPE, PA – It’s bad enough to steal money from a collection jar. It’s even worse to make your six-year-old daughter be the one to steal it. Judith Weidner told police she needed change to pay for gas, but in court she blamed a heroin addiction. She has been sentenced to one to three years in prison for making her child steal from the jar. “What I did to her was wrong,” Weidner said. “I feel so bad about it.” She is shown on security cameras distracting a convenience store clerk while her daughter took the small fireman’s boot being used to collect change for a volunteer fire company effort. After all that, she only got $1.85 from the jar.

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Impatience At Drive-Thru

April 24th, 2006

Lawrence, IN – Eugene Dixon and Jeffrey Wilks were getting impatient in the drive thru lane at McDonalds. After honking the horn and shouting at the driver in front of them, one of our bozos stuck a gun out the window and fired a shot in the air. That did speed things up, as the car in front of them sped away. It also prompted someone inside to dial 911. They were at the pick up window, waiting on their food, when the cops arrived.

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Thief Bribes Homeowner – With Counterfeit Money

April 24th, 2006

A suspected burglar caught breaking into a house in Iowa tried to use a fake $100 bill to bribe the owner to let him go.
Charles Lawson had caught Porky Castilian as he tried to burgle Lawson’s mother’s home. Castilian offered Lawson the $100 bill which carried a picture of President Bush.
Lawson said, “The guy was trying to bribe me with fake money.”
Des Moines police charged Castilian with burglary.

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Maybe He Should Have Made Hundreds Instead

April 24th, 2006

Los Angeles, CA – Tekle Zoller was arrested and charged with counterfeiting. And it wasn’t that his bills were poor quality, in fact, they were actually quite good. It was his choice of bill to counterfeit that attracted attention. He printed up 250 billion dollar bills. Yep, that’s billion with a “B”.

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“Just Kidding”

April 24th, 2006

Williston, ND – Ryan Wilson walked into a bank wearing a ski mask and demanded money. Then, for some reason, he changed his mind and pulled off the mask, telling the frightened teller, “Just kidding.” He then withdrew some money from his checking account and left. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. He’s been charged with attempted robbery and faces five years in prison if convicted.

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Man Robs Bank next to Police Precinct

April 24th, 2006

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami Beach, Florida. Our bozo’s first mistake was in trying to rob a bank right next door to the local precinct. Things started out OK, though. He walked up to the teller and demanded money. Frightened, she ran away, allowing the bozo to reach in and grab a handful of money. Then things started going downhill. Bank staffers had alerted police of the robbery so when the bozo ran out of the bank, there were officers coming out of the station house across the street in hot pursuit. The bozo frantically tried to hail a cab, but the cabbie kept on going after seeing bystanders waving him on. The bozo then took off down the street, chased by a parade of cops, including one who was having a snack at a nearby outdoor cafe and decided to join in the fun. The small army of cops soon caught up with our hapless bozo.

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Laundry Thief Leaves Wallet Behind

April 21st, 2006

Mira Mesa, CA – Hector Ruiz attempted to rob a laundry but fell through the roof vent and came crashing down to the floor. Our bozo quickly scrambled to his feet and fled, losing his wallet in the process. Investigating officers found the wallet and were interviewing witnesses when who should pass by but our bozo, apparently coming back for his wallet. Bad idea. The officer stopped him and asked for his ID. When he couldn’t produce one, he was placed under arrest.

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