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Archive for the ‘PG Jokes’ Category

Quarterback

October 27th, 2009

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: ’Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!

wyldrob PG Jokes

Job Interview

February 8th, 2008
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Mujibar was trying to get a job in India
The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.”
Mujibar said, “I am ready”
The manager said, ‘Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.’
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, ‘Mister manager, I am ready’”
The manager said, “Go ahead.”
Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, “Yellow, this is Mujibar.”
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems
No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.

wyldrob PG Jokes

Living Will

February 2nd, 2008
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Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She’s such a bitch!

wyldrob PG Jokes

Speeding

November 20th, 2007

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

wyldrob PG Jokes

Owning Hell

November 19th, 2007

Three small boys were bragging about their fathers.
The first boasted that his dad owned a farm.
The second said his dad owned a factory.
The third boy, a pastor’s son, replied: “That’s nothing’. My dad owns hell?”
“No way,” another boy scoffed. “How can a man own hell?”
“Sure he can,” the preacher’s son said. “My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night.”

wyldrob PG Jokes

How Soon?

November 19th, 2007

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.
When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Edna replied “He didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?”

wyldrob PG Jokes

March 1st, 2006
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The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk: “What’s with the guy over there by the wall?”
The clerk responds: “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”
The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives.”
The clerk calmly responds: “Of course you can, look at him, he’s afraid to cough.”

wyldrob PG Jokes

When Mike got arrested, the

February 22nd, 2006
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When Mike got arrested, the police told him, “Anything you say will be held against you.”
Mike smiled and simply replied, “Jessica Simpson’s boobs.”

wyldrob PG Jokes

A midget in Texas went

February 21st, 2006
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A midget in Texas went to the doctor because his testicles ached almost all of the time.
The doctor told him to stand on the examining table and drop his pants. The doc put one finger under the midget’s left testicle and told him to turn his head and cough – the usual method to check for a hernia.
“Hmmm..”, mumbled the doc as he put his finger under the testicle, he asked the midget to cough again, “Hmmm, I see the problem,” said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side, then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to hop down off the table, pull his pants up, and then walk around and see if his testicles still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
“The midget said, “That’s perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it! What did you do?”
The Doctor replied, “I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.”

wyldrob PG Jokes

At one job I had,

February 21st, 2006
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At one job I had, the boss man got the idea that the IT department should be living up to the slogan, “Giving every user what they need.”
I politely requested, “How do we get them to turn around so we can kick them in the ass?” It went over quite well, the room fell out laughing. I don’t work there any more.

wyldrob PG Jokes