Archive for the ‘Adult Jokes’ Category

This is the cow…

October 27th, 2009

Cowboy walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says, “Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you’re not feeling good.”

The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, “If you weren’t such damn idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, not a cow.

The cowboy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch, you’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

On the Porch Again

February 18th, 2008
Comments Off

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Come on, Train

February 14th, 2008
Comments Off

Jimmy was sitting on the fence very near a railroad track. His mother saw him and yelled, “Jimmy! Get down from there right now! A train could come along and suck you off!”
Jimmy started to whisper softly, “Come on, train. Come on, train!”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

Estate Planning

February 8th, 2008
Comments Off

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I’ve some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.”
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. “Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. Let’s head to the club and have a martini.”
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. “I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS. ”
The woman said, “I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone .”
That’s “Putting Your Affairs In Order”

wyldrob Adult Jokes


February 2nd, 2008
Comments Off

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic schoolgirls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, “Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.”
St. Peter says, “Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.” St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,”Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?”
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well, once I fondled and stroked one.” St. Peter says, “Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, “Reeva, What seems to be the rush?”
The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes


November 20th, 2007

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor if he would cover his Confession shift for him — he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. The janitor agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery.”
“Adultery, eh?” the janitor said. “You sly devil. That’ll be three Hail Mary’s, plus five bucks.”
“Thank you, Father.” Another person came into the booth.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work.”
“Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That’ll be 5 Hail Mary’s, plus fourteen bucks.”
“Thank you, Father.” This was easy, the janitor thought. Another person came into the booth.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of oral sex.”
“Oral sex, huh?” He looked at the list, but didn’t see butt-sex there. So, he excused himelf to look for help. He found an alter boy hanging out on the steps of the church.
“Excuse me,” the janitor said. “What does Father Matthew give for oral sex?”
“Well,” said the boy, “usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes


November 19th, 2007

Q: What”s the difference between a gynecologist and a geneologist?
A: One looks up the family tree, and the other looks up the family bush.

wyldrob Adult Jokes

May 25th, 2006
Comments Off

Armando asked his neighbor, “Carlos, do you like women with big stomachs?” “No,” said Carlos. Armando asked, “Do you like women with breasts that sag to their waist?” “No,” said Carlos. “Well, Carlos, do you like women with wide hips?” “Ay, caramba, amigo! NO!” “Then tell me, Carlos, why are you screwing my wife!?”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

May 25th, 2006
Comments Off

Mr. and Mrs. Ficucci come before the judge for their divorce hearing. The judge asks, “What are the grounds?”
Mrs. Ficucci says, “Cruel and inhuman punishment. He tied me to the bed and then forced me to sing ‘Jingle Bells’ while he pissed all over me.”
The judge says, “My God, that’s horrible.”
She replied, “Yes your honor! He knows how much I hate that song.”

wyldrob Adult Jokes

May 24th, 2006
Comments Off

Two kids playing in a lane found a donkey who had died with a hard on. Being the mischievous kind of boys, they cut off the donkey’s appendage and began brandishing it in the air.
Just then a police officer on his bicycle came up the lane, and the boys not wanting to be caught with it tossed it over the wall of the convent.
Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon stroll found the dick in the bushes. “Oh sweet Jesus,” says Sister Agnes.
“What’s wrong?” asks Sister Mary. “You’ve gone as white as a sheet.”
“It’s those dirty protestant bastards,” Sister Agnes replies. “They have murdered Father O’Toole!”

wyldrob Adult Jokes