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Archive for the ‘G Jokes’ Category

April 12th, 2006
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What do rural Ethiopians have in common with Yoko Ono?
Both live off dead beetles.

wyldrob G Jokes

March 15th, 2006

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students.
When she called on little Johnny, she asked, “And what does your father do?”
“Oh, he’s a magician.” replied Johnny.
“Really? And what’s his best trick?”
“His best trick is sawing people in half.”
“Wonderful!,” exclaimed the teacher. “Tell me, are there any more children in your family?”"
“Yes ma’am, I have a half brother and two half sisters.”

wyldrob G Jokes

February 28th, 2006
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When the office printer’s type began to grow faint, the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly service agent told him that the printer probably only needed a thorough cleaning. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the printer’s manual and doing the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by the man’s candor, the office manager asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business!?”
“Actually it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

wyldrob G Jokes

Tom had proposed to young

February 15th, 2006
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Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. “Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?” the older man asked the suitor.
“Yes, sir,” replied Tom, “I am.”
“Well,” said Maureen’s father, “think carefully now. There are six of us.”

wyldrob G Jokes

The first grade teacher announced

February 14th, 2006
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The first grade teacher announced a spelling competition one warm spring afternoon. “Anyone who spells a word correctly gets to go home early. Mary, what did you do at lunchtime?” Mary replied, “I played in the sandbox, teacher.” “Okay. Mary. Spell ‘box.’” Mary smiled. “B-o-x. Box.” “Very good, you may go home. Tommy, what did you do at lunch?” “I played with the toy cars.” “Tommy, spell ‘car.’” “C-a-r. Car.” “Very good, Tommy, you may go home, too. Johnny, why are you crying?” A sniffling Johnny replied, “At lunch, Mary and Tommy wouldn’t play with me because I’m black.” The teacher frowned. “Oh, Johnny. That’s terrible. That’s called ‘racial prejudice!’ Johnny, spell ‘racial prejudice!’”

wyldrob G Jokes

The Next Survivor

February 14th, 2006
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The Next Survivor

Six married men will be isolated on six islands, with one car and three young children. Each man will clean a large house, cook, wash, iron, care for his kids, correct their homework, complete their science projects, and pay the bills. They will take each child to doctor and dentist appointments, haircuts, music or dance lessons, and sports practice. Each man will maintain a budget, remember birthdays, mail greeting cards, and make at least one monthly emergency room visit when it’s least convenient. He will provide cupcakes for each child’s homeroom, snacks for their sports practices, and select proper clothing for their social functions. He will decorate his own home, plant flowers, and change seasonal decorations. He will have access to the home’s one TV only after all kids are asleep and all his chores are done. The TV remote has dead batteries. Each man will learn the words to every stupid song on children’s television and the name of every character in every cartoon. He will shave his legs, pluck his eyebrows, and apply makeup while driving. He will model an Indian hut using nothing but toothpicks, a tortilla, and a dried-up colored marker. He will get a 4-year-old to eat a full serving of peas. He will wear jewelry, stylish yet uncomfortable shoes, and nail polish. At some time every day, he must wear snot, spit-up, or barf on his clothing. During at least one week each month, he will endure cramps, backaches, and unexplained mood swings without complaining or shirking his other duties. He will explain the purpose of a tampon to the 6-year-old boy who finds it. He will attend all school meetings, church, and spend some time at a park or playground. Every night he will read a book and pray with the children without falling asleep. Every morning he will wake them, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth, and comb their hair before 7AM. He must score 100% on a written test knowing each child’s middle name, height, weight, shoe size, clothing sizes, doctors’ names, date of birth, weight at birth, length at birth, time of birth, length of labor, biggest fear, what they want to be when they grow up, plus their favorite color, snack, song, drink, and toy. He will clean them up when they get sick at 2AM, spend the rest of the day tending to them, and wait on them hand and foot until they are better. He will prepare a loving, age-appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me!” The last man wins only he has enough energy left to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice. Winners will play the same game over and over, again and again, everyday for the next twenty years. Their prize? The right to be called “Mom.”

wyldrob G Jokes

A fisherman from the city

February 14th, 2006

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?”
“That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. “Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.”
“Wow! Does that really work?”
“You bet it does.”
“Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.”
“Well, okay.”
After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?”
“You’re the sixth,” he said.

wyldrob G Jokes

“Dad,” said Little Johnny, “I’m

February 14th, 2006

“Dad,” said Little Johnny, “I’m late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?”
The father said irately, “Son, it just wouldn’t be right.”
“That’s okay,” replied Little Johnny, “but you could at least give it a try, couldn’t you?”

wyldrob G Jokes

“Cash, check or charge?” I

February 8th, 2006
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“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her
wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil
thing I could do to him legally.”

wyldrob G Jokes

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most

January 11th, 2006
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Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him….
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

wyldrob G Jokes